In Your Arms
by Carrie O'Neal
Summary: CSI/Cold Case: Sara Sidle/Lilly Rush; Warning: Femslash - if you don't like it, don't read it ; post-ep CSI 8x07 "Goodbye and Good Luck": Sara leaves Las Vegas to visit an old friend in Philadelphia...


**Disclaimer: I don't own neither Cold Case and its characters, nor CSI and its characters. It's all just for fun :)**

**Spoiler: CSI: 8x07 "Goodbye and Good Luck", no spoilers for Cold Case**

**N/A: I wrote this as a x-mas-present for a friend of mine, but never thought about posting it. That's why I'm posting a Christmas-FF in April ;) hope you like it.**

"_I think I am sick of having my face shoved into death everyday."_

I told it Greg weeks ago, but I already felt it months ago. And after what happened in the deserts four months ago I know that it was enough, that I can't go on like this anymore. I am tired of seeing pain and death and horror all around me and it isn't helping, that I'm living and working in Las Vegas, the city of sins. I remember a time, when I loved my job. I had a feeling of changing the world and making a difference. I remember my first solved case, it was a suicide murder. I felt like I really helped mankind.

I haven't felt that in years. To be exact since that one case three and a half years ago. We were hunting a serial killer and his tracks lead us to Philly. His modus operandi was to inject them some kind of drug so they would be paralysed. Then he raped them and eventually he would lay them under a big mirror, before he cut out their hearts. Of course he wouldn't let them close their eyes and of course the drug would only paralyse the movements, not the pain. When we arrived in Philadelphia we got the information that a local homicide detective found a pattern, which was similar to the MO of our serial killer. It turned out that our killer lived in Philly his whole life before he moved to Las Vegas ten years ago.

It was then, that I met her… Detective Lilly Rush. She was around 5' 7" and had long, blonde hair. Her skin was pretty pale, but it didn't look off or something. Her red lips and icy blue eyes made her one of the most beautiful women, I've ever met. It had been her, who found the pattern in some cold cases and called us. From the first moment I saw her I knew that we had some kind of connection. She fought for the victims, who couldn't fight on their own anymore and she wouldn't rest until she'd found the truth. She seemed strong and independent and I somehow saw myself reflected in her. I liked her immediately.

After the case was closed we met at a bar to some sort of meeting, called "the first Thursday". Lilly explained that the team would have a drink every first Thursday of the month after work. We, that were Catherine, Nicky and I, arrived at the bar a little early and used the time to discuss the case and the Philly homicide team. Grissom, Warrick and Greg stayed in Las Vegas, because Greg had an important trial, where he had to give testimony at and Grissom and Warrick had to run the lab in the meantime.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"_I don't know, but that Lilly-girl is kinda weird, don't you guys think?" As always Catherine didn't care about talking friendly about someone she doesn't like. She ordered three drinks and continued to talk without even waiting for our approval or disapproval. "She seems a little far away with her thoughts sometimes. And what's with that guy Scotty? He talks like a Neanderthal, maybe someone should explain to him, that we already reached the 21__rst__ century!" _

_Nicky and I just smiled at that. We too didn't like the young detective, Scotty Valance, we got to know two days ago. He was Lilly's partner and she seemed to like him, but since the moment he first talked to me I kind of felt like punching him in the face._

_In that moment the door of the bar opened and I recognised Lilly and two of her partners, Will Jeffries and Kat Miller. Will was around 55, tall, black and a slightly bit overweight. He seemed like a nice guy, who always seeks the truth and lives for justice. Kat was a young woman in her 30ies. She had curly hair, dark skin and a height of approximately 5' 6". She had a 10-year old daughter, but that was just about everything I knew about her. All three of them came over to our table and sat down beside us. Her other two colleagues, Nick Vera and John Stillman, joined us half an hour later. Nick was an overweight, but nice guy in his 40ies. It seemed like he tried to like everyone around him. I really liked him. John was actually the boss of the homicide squad, but seemed to be good friends with the team too. He was around 50 years old, tall and slightly bald._

_You can't say that we grew close over the past three days, but that evening I felt like I've known those guys forever. Lilly told us, that Scotty wouldn't come because of a meeting he had with the boss's boss… something about a case he screwed up. However… we really had a great time._

_It was way past 1am when I first thought about calling it a day. Catherine, Nicky and Nick have already left two hours ago. Will, John and Kat followed them around midnight, so Lilly and I were alone. At first it was a little awkward with just the two of us. We didn't really know what to talk about, so we started with a neutral topic: work. After some time we switched to other, more personal topics. With the help of good old tequila we soon knew almost everything about each other. And it must have been quite a lot of that tiny shots we took, because I didn't even remember paying for them or leaving the bar._

_The next thing I did remember although were these awesome, soft lips on mine. I can't remember what time it has been, but I do remember that we were standing in the middle of my hotel room. She must have offered to walk to the hotel with me. I also remember that I took off only one of my gloves and that her cheeks were pink from the cold outside. Her eyes were closed and she stood on her toes. She pulled me down to her with her hands behind my neck and I placed my hands on her hips to pull her body closer to mine. I couldn't say how long the kiss went on, even if my life depended on it. After seconds, minutes, hours we parted and her tongue moved over her lips, as if to see, if she could still taste me there. She then smiled at me and it was the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. I can see it every night in my dreams and if I close my eyes and concentrate very hard I can still feel her lips on mine and see that smile in front of me. Everything that happened after that smile is quite fuzzy, but I'm quite certain, that she left after that, because the next morning I found myself alone in bed with all my clothes still on._

_I was just lucky that we didn't have to do anything all day long, because my head was KILLING me! Catherine was very interested in what happened to me the previous night and wouldn't stop asking until I told her, that I didn't remember because of the tequila. I knew she wasn't satisfied with that answer. She wanted to know if I had been with anybody and if something happened between me and Mr. Mysterious. I managed to ignore her until I was sure that she gave up on any information. Our flight went at 9am, so we didn't have time to say our good byes to the Philly homicide squad. At that moment I was happy about it. I couldn't remember half of the previous night and wouldn't know how to react to Lilly. Later I'd begin to regret that we didn't visit them one last time… that I didn't see Lilly one last time._

_**END OF FLASHBACK**_

That case was three and a half years ago and I didn't see Lilly ever again. We never really exchanged phone numbers or other contact information. Of course both of us could have easily found out how to reach the other one, but somehow I never even tried to look for her phone number. When I didn't hear anything from her anymore I just thought that she maybe didn't even remember that incident in my hotel room or that she thought about it as a mistake. I never really forgot her, but after some weeks I managed not to think about her every two minutes.

A few weeks after that trip to Philly Nicky got kidnapped and nearly died. It was after that incident that Grissom finally came out of his cave. He knocked on my door three days after Nicky was released from the hospital and asked me if he was too late. Although my dreams were still about some blonde, female Philly homicide detective, I agreed to have dinner with him. We started dating behind the backs of everyone. A part of me was thinking about Lilly every time I was with him and I felt guilty about dating him. The relationship was never really hot or exciting, but it kept me from loneliness. When Grissom asked me to marry him, my first impulse was to say no. At that time I was already very hopeless. What happened in the desert a few weeks ago changed me. I could see more than ever that what I had wasn't what I wanted. I was hopeless and I felt alone and I just couldn't bring myself to tell Grissom no and stay alone for the rest of my life. It was a selfish decision, which was chosen out of fear and sadness, not out of love or happiness.

And that's why I left Las Vegas and the people there. I somehow realised that I couldn't ruin a man's life just because I don't want to feel lonely anymore. I couldn't stay there and watch the horror that was all around me. I somehow still love my job, but I can't do it anymore.

That's how I ended up at the Las Vegas airport staring at the board where all flights are listed. As my eyes scan the list of destinations one city sticks out like a red flag. For a minute I just stare at the name of the city. My eyes find the time stamp on the left side of it, then seek my watch to check how much time is left till the plane would take off. Before I get the chance to chick out I buy a ticket to Philadelphia. I also buy tickets to Washington D.C., Boston and Miami and bus tickets to Chicago and Phoenix, so Grissom won't find me immediately. I know that what I do is cruel and that he deserves better, but I just can't handle this right now.

An hour later I'm sitting on a window seat on the plane with destination Philadelphia. I spent the last hour imagining my reunion with Lilly. I'm nervous as hell and don't even manage to eat half of the dinner I'm served. The flight takes four and a half hours, but to me it seems more like fourteen hours. When the plane finally starts to descend, my stomach makes a jump and I'm not sure if I should be happy or afraid. It takes me an hour to find my luggage and a free taxi. Because the trip was some kind of one-second-decision, I didn't check Lilly's address before leaving. I've never been to her place before and so I tell the taxi driver to bring me to the Philadelphia Police Department. For a moment I'm considering finding a hotel first, but what if Lilly doesn't want to see me at all? I don't know if I could stay in town knowing I could run into her any time.

Fifty minutes later I'm standing in front of the big building. Suddenly this whole trip doesn't seem like such a good idea anymore. It has been nearly four years; a lot can change in that time. I could still look for a phone booth and look up Lilly's address. I could wait for her to come home on her doorstep. On the other hand it could be an advantage for me to meet her in a public place. At least then she couldn't make it too obvious that I didn't call the last time. Well… she didn't call either.

_Oh, what the hell! _I amabout to turn around and look for a taxi, when I hear her voice behind me.

"Sara?" I turn around and there she is, wearing a dark coat and a scarf. She wears her hair down; her lips seem even redder now that they're in more contrast with her blonde hair. Her blue eyes are shining and I'm wondering if it's because she's happy or angry. Behind her I recognise two of her partners, Scotty Valance and Nick Vera. They are nodding in my direction, so I return the greeting. My eyes go back to the person I'm here for and I feel a rock fall off my heart as I see a smile growing on her lips.

"Hey Lilly!" I return the smile and after some moments she turns to her two partners and says: "You two go; I'll be inside in a moment." In a moment? Why? Would she just tell me to go to hell? Luckily I don't have much time to think of more horrifying scenarios, because Nick and Scotty are already on their way to the main entrance of the building. When we are sure they are out of earshot, we again turn towards each other and I'm happy her smile is now even bigger. For a moment we're just standing there smiling at each other. Then she nods at my bag and asks: "Are you staying for a while?" Her smile is as beautiful as I remember it; even her eyes are smiling at me. I'd die if I could just grab her and kiss her senseless. Instead I answer her question: "Maybe… a few days."

She makes a step in my direction and I can see the pink inside of her coat. She's wearing great, black boots that go perfectly with her dark trousers. Her blue eyes are shining and her lips are wearing a smile. She's looking like an angel and I fall for her all over again.

I wonder if it would be to risky asking her for her plans after work, when she opens her mouth again and surprises me by saying: "Meet me in an hour at 121 Jefferson Avenue… and bring some take out." With that she turns around and walks off and soon she's disappeared into the Philadelphia Police Department.

For a moment I'm just standing there watching the door Lilly disappeared through. Then I pick up my bag and turn towards the street. I call for a taxi and fifteen minutes later I'm telling the driver to wait for me while I'm getting the dinner. I order everything on the menu that has the word "Shiang" in its name, which turns out to be nearly a third of the whole menu. I add some wine to the list and pay for the dinner before returning to the taxi. The driver seems a little grumpy, so when we finally arrive at Lilly's I give him a generous tip.

Ten minutes later I wonder if I should have bought the food later so it wouldn't be cold when we finally decide to eat it. I open the bag in order to check the temperature when I hear her soft voice for the second time this day.

"I guess I should have told you that there is a spare key under the doormat." I look up and a smile crosses my face.

"It's ok… I just got here." I take my bag and the dinner and wait for Lilly to open the door. I can't resist checking out her perfect stature and my eyes come to rest on her cute little butt. If both my hands weren't full with food and luggage, I couldn't have promised to remain the good girl at that moment.

An hour later we are both sitting on her couch eating dinner and sipping red wine. We both changed into some comfortable stuff and Lilly turned on some relaxing music. She is sitting on one end of the couch with her knees at her chin and her arms around her legs while I'm occupying the other side of the couch with my legs crossed and a pillow under the neck. At first it was a little strange; we haven't talked to each other in years. But after some while we relaxed around each other and soon it was like no time passed at all. We talked about everything like we've been best friends since forever. The only thing we didn't talk about was the last time I was in Philly and what happened that last night in my hotel room.

I'm reaching for my glass of wine and after a small sip a deep sigh escapes my lips. I feel content and relaxed. I haven't felt that way in months. For the first time in four years I don't feel any guilt or sadness. For the first time since leaving Las Vegas I don't think about Grissom or Catherine or the rest of the guys. I just enjoy the company and the music, the wine and the food. I even enjoy the cat with just one eye, that's sitting on my legs, even though I don't like cats. I look over and it's obvious that Lilly is enjoying herself just as much. Her eyes are closed and her head rests against a big blue pillow. In one hand she holds her glass of wine and with the other one she strokes the other cat's fur. We both haven't talked in a while, but it's a comfortable silence. As I study her face I wonder if she remembers the last time we saw each other. All evening she seemed so careless and satisfied. While I've been asking myself thousand of questions about our last encounter, she doesn't seem to even remember it.

After another ten minutes of watching the woman I can't stop thinking about, I take a deep breath and break the silent promise we made the moment she called my name in front of the Police Department.

"Do you remember the night almost four years ago when we had too much to drink?" A few seconds nothing happens and I begin to think that she maybe didn't hear me. I consider checking if she already fell asleep, when she slowly opens her eyes and turns her head in my direction. A small smile graces her lips and for a moment I can't think of anything else but these lips. I want to kiss them right now; see if they still taste like heaven or if those guys she dated in the meantime took all the grace off of them.

"Of course I do. It was the most perfect... night I've ever experienced. How could I forget it?" She chooses her words carefully; didn't say a word about the kiss. But from the way she looks at me I know that she remembers. I know that she, just like I, never stopped thinking about it and that she only used those guys in order to feel less lonely. From the way she pronounced the word "night" I know that she dreamed about that kiss every night and that she imagined me in her boyfriends' places, just as I did when I was kissing Grissom and imagining Lilly in his place.

I sit myself upright and the cat that was sleeping on my legs immediately gets up and jumps off the couch. Slowly, to give her the chance to escape, I crawl to the other end of the couch with Lilly watching me closely. She doesn't move an inch towards me but she also doesn't move away. When I'm finally right in front of her lay my hand on her cheek, feeling the warmth radiating off of her. In her eyes I can see the same fear I am feeling and I know it's not the bad kind of fear: it's fear mixed with excitement and anticipation and as I see the smile still gracing her lips I close the space between us. I feel her breath on my skin and close my eyes, when our lips finally meet. Her lips feel like heaven and they taste just as perfect as I remember. They are soft and sweet and taste like wine and Chinese take out and Lilly and I know that I've never tasted anything so awesome. My second hand finds its new favourite place in Lilly's hair and when I feel her lips moving and stroking mine I pull her closer to me. She places her hands on my hips and the world suddenly is perfect to me. If I was to die right now I'd at least die as the happiest woman on earth.

After what seems like an eternity we break apart in order to get some much needed oxygen. She leans her forehead against mine and her hands stroke my heated skin between the hem of my shirt and the waistband of my jeans. Her touch is so soft and feather light and it feels like I'm going to have burn marks where she touches me now… and I'm looking forward to those burn marks. My fingers caress her cheek and my second hand wanders to her lips, where my thumb starts to lightly trace her button lip. I don't know how much time passed since I crawled to her end of the couch and if I'm honest, I don't really care. I have the most awesome woman in my arms... live is just perfect to me.

After some seconds I raise my head to look Lilly in the eyes and a smile crosses my lips when I see her smiling at me as happily as I feel at the moment. I don't trust my voice so I just sit down besides her never losing the touch. My hand holds hers and my fingers draw lines on her palm. I rest my head on her shoulder and I feel her breath on my cheek as she leans down to kiss it. Her lips travel their way from my cheek to my lips and because she is my favourite drug and I'm addicted to her I kiss her back willingly.

It doesn't take long to find Lilly over me straddling my hip with me half sitting, half lying on the couch. It turns out, that she is as addicted to me, as I am to her. My fingers travel their way under her shirt, where they start caressing soft skin. As my hands wander higher and higher, they take the shirt with them and soon we have to break our kiss in order to free Lilly from her top. The break was worth it because when I see her half naked body and her in black silk covered breasts I instantly get wet between the legs. For a while I just look at her and warship her beautiful body. My eyes linger on the scar on her right shoulder that seems to be the only irregularity on her perfect body. I wonder what happened to her, since she didn't tell me of an accident. I keep in mind to ask her later about it, before my eyes start travelling again.

Only when she starts whimpering my name I am brought back to reality. Without any hesitation I lower my lips to her delicate, pale skin and start kissing, nibbling and softly biting her body. Her moans and sighs show me that I must be doing something right. When I reach the underside of her left breast my hand sneaks behind her back to open her silky bra and soon after it joins the white shirt on the floor behind the couch. Immediately my mouth finds her already hardened nipples and when I let my tongue lick over the sensitive flesh a loud moan escapes her lips. She lets her head fall back and arches her back against my mouth and the sounds that come from her nearly make me come. I caress her right breast with my fingers, rolling the nipple between my thumb and my index finger, softly tweaking it, while I nibble and kiss her left one. Just as my lips start wandering to the right breast, I feel her tugging on my shirt and soon we have to break apart again. It's my turn to moan as I feel her fingers under my bra and I'm surprised at how easily and fast she manages to open my bra. In an heartbeat I find myself from the waist up naked and when Lilly starts kissing my rock hard nipple my head falls back against the couch and an animal groan escapes my throat.

Where I had been kissing slowly and patiently, Lilly doesn't loose any time. It doesn't take her long to find the buttons and zip of my jeans and soon I find myself only dressed in my red panties (not that I would have a problem with that). Had I known how our second meeting would turn out, I wouldn't have waited more than three years to come back to Philly. I close my eyes at the feeling of Lilly's lips travelling down my body. Although she's hasty, she also doesn't miss a single inch of skin to kiss or lick. Her hands touch every part her lips can't reach.

When I open my eyes again Lilly is kneeling on the floor in front of the couch with her hands stroking my thighs. She raises her head and her eyes lock with mine in a look that's innocent and devilish at the same time.

Slowly she parts my legs all the time stroking my skin softly, never loosing my gaze. I hold my breath and watch her closely and the sight of that beautiful woman kneeling between my legs with her hands on my thighs and her head slowly descending to my soaked wet panties nearly gets me off. As her lips get closer to the only garment still left on my body, my eyes flatter shut and my fingers grab the couch tissue. I feel her finger slightly tracing their path to the waistband of my panties and once they hooked under it, pulling it down. I raise my hip in order to help her getting me completely naked and take a deep breath when I feel her lips on the inside of my thigh. Her finger slowly strokes my folds before parting them and when I shortly after feel her tongue lick my pulsating clit I can't hold her screamed name on my lips back anymore. She kisses and licks and softly bits while two of her fingers enter me and start a cruelly slow rhythm. I buckle my hips and moan in delight and Lilly must have understand my nonverbal pleading because she increases the speed of her fingers slipping in and out of my core and the pressure when nibbling and kissing my most sensitive spot. I feel a mind blowing orgasm building inside me and as a sigh for the blonde kneeling in front of me I put one hand on the back of her head to make sure she doesn't stop what she's doing. If possible she speeds things up even more and when I think I can't handle it anymore without starting to hyperventilate, I rather feel and hear her soft whisper against my dripping wet core: "Come for me, Sara… please!" It's the last thing I remember before a mind-blowing wave of pleasure overwhelms me and I'm completely lost in that beautiful ecstasy with Lilly's name screamed from my lips.

It takes several minutes for me to come back to reality. The first things I register are the soft kisses that are placed all over my face and the finger that draws small pattern around my belly button. The lips on my cheek find their way to my own lips and close around them in a slow, deep kiss. As soon as I have enough brain cells reactivated I return the kiss with all the love I feel for this woman. I wrap my arm around her hip and pull her on top of me. The feel of her skin on mine warms me from the inside. Lilly places a kiss between my shoulder and my neck before descending her head and resting it on my shoulder. One of her legs is tangled between mine and her arm rests around my hip, where her fingers slowly caress my skin. I can't remember the last time I felt so satisfied and happy. A content sigh escapes my lips and when I look down I see that Lilly fell asleep with a smile on her face that makes her look as happy as I feel at the moment. The last things I register before I follow her into a peaceful sleep are the big white snowflakes that slowly begin to fall in front of the window.

The End


End file.
